I knew how to be a leader, helper, encourager, coach and follower. But I didn't know how to be a friend.
After a series of painful situations, I felt numb. It was as though my body just kept going through the motions of my life, but nobody was “home” inside.
It was hard to connect with God, and in truth—I had stopped even wanting to try.
I felt strongly that I didn’t need more people in my life—but I desperately needed at least one soul friend.
I needed a friend who knew my history, who knew my weaknesses, who celebrated my strengths and who knew God intimately.
Many who eventually became such friends in my life were right nearby. But I had never allowed myself to open up to them, nor had I learned how to be that kind of friend to someone else.
Even those of us possessing the crustiest exterior have an intrinsic need for human connection. It’s simply the way we are made—in the image of God.
And while that explains many of the amazing qualities of the human soul (like the sophistication of our imagination, reason and communication), our being drafted in the likeness of the triune God also implies a unique and necessary way of relating.
We are made for meaningful relationships in which we open ourselves wide to one another in self-giving, nonhierarchical, mutual love.
Usually, we don’t have to look too far for the answer. Think for a moment.
What has caused the greatest sources of pain in your life?
If you’re like most people, the deepest wounds and the greatest traumas did not result from random financial reversals or even from a tragic accident or illness.
The vast majority of our deepest hurts stem from relationships.
The human soul does not recover easily from a blow to our point of connection.
In the midst of these situations, we know we need spiritual practices. Reading the word, prayer, silence and solitude—these things and more help us actually sit down with God. They help us get quiet internally, and they help us lean in to better listen and receive from God.
When the love and power and radical goodness of God are welcomed deeply into the human soul, things start to happen.
There are times, however, when the limits of individual spiritual practices become exposed.
Times of great tragedy, of spiritual or emotional fatigue, or of just remaining stuck spiritually.
I’ve experienced them all.
What do you do when you can’t stand the thought of praying, when the words of the Bible seem plastic and false?
What about when you’ve been doing everything “right” and the bottom falls out? When the ministry initiative fails? When a child dies in a freak accident? When a spouse says, “I’m leaving”? When the ropes of addiction still bind you even when you know all the right theology?
These are the times when spiritual friendship can still connect us to God.
You know authentic relationships don’t make various troubles magically disappear. But if we are isolated in the midst of these circumstances, we are closing ourselves off to one of the primary mechanisms by which God will touch our lives.
Human relationships are bumpy. We fail one another regularly.
But the fact remains that God has mysteriously endowed each of his followers with the presence of his Spirit.
When you live openly and honestly with a spiritual friend—you also open yourself directly to the power and love of God.
And that will transform everything.
Meet others like you who desire to be intentional about soul care and cultivating their relationship with Christ in a holistic way. Learn how to live and lead from a healthy soul by getting equipped through our online courses, and get access to Spiritual Direction and Leadership Coaching.
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